In reality, our person is nothing more than a mere convention established by our name labeled upon the combination of our body and mind. No substantial, self-existing person or soul exists on the body and mind, and yet we all have the innate misconception that we do exist as substantial, self-existing individuals. This misconception is the source of all problems because mental obsession with our false self-image leads to anger, attachment and pride, through which we harm ourselves and others.
While riding a low point in the emotional roller coaster of making and breaking relationships in my younger days, in a flash of insight I once declared that pride was my greatest enemy because I recognized that my unhappiness was connected to an overwhelming self-consciousness about the way I perceived myself and the way I wanted to be perceived by others. This left no space for spontaneity in my relationships, and no opportunity for what I thought was the "real me" to break out of the cocoon of my mind. I was too afraid to admit failure or weakness, and too proud to remain with women who did not measure up to my expectations, and the resulting loneliness was difficult to bear.
Pride was explained by Buddha to be a puffed-up sense of self-importance that compounds the original mistake in our self-image by projecting and then believing that we are superior to others. Pride strongly clings to this inflated self-image and disrespects others, thus creating a tense and hostile atmosphere within which neither we nor the people around us can relax. With our self-image at stake, we are always defending ourselves or attacking others.
Among the seven aspects of pride, the first three arise in relation to our wealth and social standing: towards those of lower status than ourselves we feel superior and see them as lowly; towards those of equal status to ourselves we think we are special and superior; and towards those of higher status we arrogantly point out their weaknesses and believe that we are superior to them as well.
The fourth aspect of pride sees our own body and mind as perfectly "me." This pride gazes at our reflection in the mirror and tells us we are so beautiful. The next aspect is seen in meditator’s who, through an extreme sense of self-importance, become convinced that they have attained high spiritual realizations and act as if they are God's or Buddha's right-hand person.
False humility is the sixth aspect of pride: we may behave with humility in the presence of a great person, but in our mind abides the arrogant thought: "Here am I, so important, in the presence of this famous person."
The final aspect of pride is wrong pride where, for example, we commit morally degenerate acts believing that we are endowed with special qualities and are above normal ethical restraint. There is great danger of this pride arising in the minds of those who hold positions of trust, such as doctors, priests, and monks.
Because pride exaggerates our good qualities and then believes its fabrications to be true, and because there is no self that can be found to exist either upon the body and mind or as a separate entity that possesses the body and mind, the solution to pride is immediately obvious: recognition of the fundamental non-existence of a "real me."
Such a thought can be frightening because we cling to our self-image like a child holds on to its security blanket, and the very thought of being "selfless" can induce a nihilistic tailspin into the vortex of meaninglessness. Nevertheless, it is essential that we dismantle our mistaken belief in a real me because it is wrong, and because that is the only way we can liberate ourselves from the cocoon of our mind and experience the unrestrained happiness that we instinctively know is possible.
Another mistake we can make when contemplating selflessness as the antidote to pride is that we can abandon responsibility for others. Selflessness, however, is only half of Buddha's recipe for happiness; the other half is love for all beings. Universal love is not diminished by the fact that others only exist as merely labeled identities. In fact, universal love requires the understanding of emptiness because without that wisdom we cannot free our minds from negative discrimination of others through attachment, anger, and ignorance.
Humility is not a sign of weakness; it takes great strength to stand up to our own negative minds, to reject the distorted projections of self-importance, and to focus instead on the good qualities of others, sincerely rejoicing in their happiness and good fortune.
By Ven. Thubten Gyatso
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